Trifecta!

Hello World

Don’t get me wrong, I love celebrity gossip.  I am just as infatuated with Jennifer Aniston’s shockingly revealing (dear God, please give me 20 something year old legs when I’m forty, too), copy-cat dress at the Golden Globes as anyone else. I sift through the thousands of images our gossip queen, Perez Hilton, and his minions post every minute.  I vote on which celeb plays the role of mom the best on online surveys.  Nope, I’m definitely not a hater of celebrity gossip.  But, I will take a step back and examine myself and my millions of comrades, both male and female, and wonder, why? Why do we waste hours of our time when we could be living our lives instead of watching their lives? Why is there such an intense infatuation with the too-perfect-to-be real-people?

Ok, so wasting a little bit of time and being a tad obsessive with our interest in Branjelina or Miley’s new “edgy” look, is not really that bad, right? It’s a few hours here and there; it’s being a bit annoying with our incessant talk about the latest celeb news. But, no real harm done I say.  But, what about the ways that celebrities effect us unconsciously? Like when the moment our favorite stalkee gets photographed with a new fashion trend, we realize that there are already ten people in your close vicinity with the same thing on. A little scary how quickly we follow, don't you think?  And I’m sure it’s far from healthy for us to watch our fickle celebrities go from one fling to another, or file for divorce every hour.  And don’t get me started on body image!  We're watching women who are 5’10” and 110 lbs. vegging out on 1000+ calorie hamburgers, wondering what the hell is wrong with our bodies. Talk about unhealthy.  Sure, it’s fun to play fashionista and praise or criticize the fashions of the rich and famous, but even after going through the rounds of fashion “don’ts,” it’s hard not to feel slightly depressed, because no matter how ugly the outfit, they’re still so damned skinny.

Our beloved stars are role models in our lives, no matter how much we hate to admit it.  They can wear a brand or change their hairstyle, and chances are, we’ve copied them in some way. They’re walking advertisements, waiting to be photographed so that their adoring fans can figure out what new outfit to buy.

So, welcome world to the real world of celeb gossip.  I'm not just postings about who’s having their latest love child, or the hideous dresses of the Golden Globes.  No, it’s that, with a bit of psychological analysis on how our gossip blogs are wreaking havoc on our sanity.  I promise to be blunt and to be honest.  Hey, I’m already out of the closet with the most embarrassing secret: Hi I’m "Ok!", and I’m addicted to gossip blogs.

Blogger Profile

There are a TON of celebrity blogs out there. And I mean a TON. Everyone is dutifully reporting to their readers (or maybe just to the cyberspace void) on the latest scandal in the world of Hollywood. [Short tangent here: is that mugshot of Gary Coleman not the scariest thing you’ve seen in your life??!] It’s all repetitive because, you know, celebrities can only conjure up so much news in one day.  Amid the drab news there is my new friend, The Superficial.  It's the blog that doesn't just post celebrity news, but the stuff that makes us realize that celebrities are human too, and they make mistakes, big mistakes.  It’s funny stuff that's a bit embarrassing to read when my roommate’s home because of the unusually abundant half-naked celebrity shots, which might give off the wrong impression about me.

While The Superficial may not state it outright, it’s a good wakeup call from the rest of the rest of the junk floating out there and polluting our minds.  It’s healthy to see the people we idolize being ridiculous once in a while, because it reminds us that we shouldn’t copy their every moves, or be influenced by their every action.  For instance, one post convinced me not to go out and use plastic surgery to completely remake my body, because, uh, Heidi Montag ended up looking like a pointy-eye browed doll. And it has also convinced me not to go out and do yoga with my boobs hanging out right after those surgeries in order to make money to pay for them.

Heidi Montag spent the weekend testing the limberness of her new body that she can't afford because exactly five people bought her album. Which is why I'm pretty sure this is a porn audition. But if it's not, wow, what a fucking idiot. This is like hitting a home run into space in front of the president of baseball only to turn down a major league contract to pursue whatever the hell it is Heidi does. Human guinea pig for vapid people? I don't even care.

The Superficial has reminded us that fake plastic bodies = not hot, and has also tried to undo some of the damage that hours of Jersey Shore marathon brainwashing has caused. You and I both know that even though we only started watching the show to laugh at the guidos and guidettes, they really are becoming are favorite TV friends (ugh, that is scary to admit!). So here's The Superficial taking us back to reality:

I don't know who's more retarded here: The cast for not realizing they're the prime example of MTV putting anybody on the air and future world leaders lapping it up. Or MTV for not realizing the same thing and actually giving these kids more money. I had no idea there was a shortage of over-tanned Italian douchebags in the tri-state area who like free trips to the beach.

The posts are short and to the point, but they stab hard. Bam! Here's how the media has been sucking you in!

And what’s great is that people are reading The Superficial. It’s in the top 100 on Technorati and averages around 70 comments on each post.  For a blog that's updated throughout the day, that's a lot of readers. It makes me happy that people are reading something other than a pure gossip blog.
    
So, my recommendation to you, take The Superficial pill once in awhile, to prevent an overdose in gossip that will make you feel self conscious, or leave you wishing you lived a different life.  Celebrities are pretty hilariously dumb sometimes, and it’s good to see that. Yes, maybe I’m being cruel by encouraging our own well-being by taking advantage of another’s misfortunes, but they’ve got millions of dollars, so I think you should let me slide on this one.

Real quick, I have to plug my own blog before you become aficionados of The Superficial and forget all about me: come here for a dose of celebrity lives from a different angle.  I’m not here just to make fun of celebrities, but also to let you know how reading about them/being obsessed with them, is affecting the way you do things and the way you think.  But, when it comes to good ol' celeb bashing, The Superficial is there for me, and you.

Voice

It is so weird to look back at the older posts of bloggers who've been around for quite some time. I missed a lot of information in my pre-gossip life (have I mentioned that keeping up with the gossip of our times is a new venture for me??). So browsing the past brought up a lot of "she did whats?!" that would make the avid gossipists look away with shame at my naivety.  But I like to think that it gives me a fresh outlook on the news; none of the usual bias latched on to each person.  So how does one get started in this messy gossip business? It all starts with some innocent curiosity, a click of a link here or there, watching the girls sitting in front of you in class surf perezhilton.com. 

I started this site because I was spending way too much time on other celebrity gossip sites and I thought why not put my useless knowledge and interest about celebrities to good use.

This is Anne, the writer of the blog, I Need My Fix, and she is the voice of the consumer.  While the more popular blogs feature big name writers who are as much celebrity themselves as the people they report on, Anne is like you and me: so called normal people.  I'm pretty sure she doesn't have a slew of paparazzi stalking Jessica Alba and her adorable daughter, or front row tickets to all the Grammy action.  But that's what differentiates her from the cold-hard celebitches writers that rule the blogging world, and you know what? I kinda like it.

You can tell that for Anne, the world of celebrity is bright, dazzling and unattached from her, like it is for the rest of us.  Celebrities are real and fascinating, but they're not you and me.  And there's also a disconnect between the average, naive gossip reader and you and me. In her most recent blog, Anne writes about the oldest Jonas Brother's wifey:

I can’t emphasize enough how the Jonas Brothers do nothing for me.  I’m kind of out of their age range by a couple of years :)

and continues:

I love the picture of the dog kissing her!.  I don’t know the name of the dog so I’m going to call it baby Toto.
For those of you young enough to be Jonas Brothers’ fans, you will not know what I’m referencing and it doesn’t much matter.  The dog is so adorable I can’t take it.

Mentioning the difference in age, and bashing the ridiculously young age of their fans removes her from die-hard lovers of the Jonas Brothers. Yet, she's writing about them, and admitting that even though she's not one of the fanatics, she's still interested enough to report about them. The smiley face at the end of the first paragraph suggests her curiosity as well as a bit of shame for being into the same gossip as 14 year old girls.

This removal from the rest of the gossip world comes out even further in an older post about Rihanna and her inane answers in an interview with the British Sun.

“Every woman should have naked pictures taken,” she said. “In five years mybody might not look like this. I’ve always been borderline raunchy and a little sexy. But sexy at 19 and sexy at 21 is two different things. I’m just having fun.”

That ‘fun’ included her being ‘humiliated’ by a boyfriend who leaked those naked pictures online (gee…imagine?? naked pictures taken in the year 2009 and end up on the Internet…who would have thunk?)

I really like Rihanna but I rolled my eyes so hard when I read these quotes that my contact lenses stayed in the back of my head.  What the hell kind of advice is this?  If you take nekkid photos, keep them private unless you want them on the Internet then give them to a boyfriend.

It's a warning to all those adolescent girls who are hanging on to every word celebrities say...don't listen to Rihanna, she's crazy!  Anne is addressing the fact that sometimes celebrities don't know what the hell they're talking about, which is obvious, but some of those who are younger and more naive may not realize.  There is clear sarcasm in the "(gee...imagine??)" insert, which speaks louder than actual words.  Also, her use of "thunk" and "nekked" are degrading, but as if from the viewpoint of someone who is older, and has seen more of the world. She's making fun of all the young kids who don't really know what's what, yet. Anne is playing mom here, cleaning up the mess that celebrities and their big mouths leave behind.  And for us older audiences, isn't this what we're thinking anyway?  Seriously, wtf??  So Anne, thanks for pointing out the obvious because it needs to be done!  And also because it's fun to read :)